Applications Now Being Accepted

As I perused the daily record of advertising, death, Dear Abby and horoscope, what do I see but Bridgeboy’s #1 rump swab, Matty K. touting just what the “Bridge” is going to talk about in his State of City address.  What do I see, Bridgeboy is going to claim, for a prominent spot on his resume, the building of the Methuen Assisted Suicide Living Project as his own.

Thatta boy, Billy! You know Bridgeboy, God is NOT going to have mercy on your soul!

I have the application to apply for a spot in the newly built, below sea level, in the flood plain, contaminated building.  But loyal readers, you realize there are a few specifications that must be met.

1. It is preferable that you do not live in the area and never have, because then you will not know of all the death and illness that surrounds this contaminated parcel. You will not realize when you get sick just why you did and that will let those responsible for this project, along with our politicos the autonomy they need when shoving a rotten project of this magnitude down our throats.

2. It would also be helpful if you were poor, because remember our benevolent politicos want to do everything they can to help the poor of the area. And never forget that politicos believe that if you are poor, you must also be stupid. What better way than placing them on a contaminated parcel of land, in a wood structure, below sea level, in the flood plain.  NOTHING BUT THE BEST FOR THE POOR! Whose backs our politicos will stand on, to get what they need for their illustrious resumes.

3. It would also be helpful if you are already sick, so our politicos can blame your existing illness on your untimely demise, and the contaminated site will not be mentioned.

4. It would also be helpful if you are considering suicide.  I do understand there are faster and better ways to off yourself, but that would be a sin. It is better to have the sin on the politicos head than your own.  So knowingly filling out the application will not count, and you will get your wish.

So applicants, be sure and print clearly, because it will probably the last time you do so. Chemical poisoning tends to cloud the mind!  Good luck, and don’t be dismayed if you do not get a spot on the first round, I hear the turn over is going to be swift!

I am sure if you contact Billy he will have the pull to get you to the front of the line, as always Billy playing the politico game!